What's Love Got To Do With It?

That’s right, we’ve all seen or heard about couples who meet and instantly the sparks fly. The hormones rage and before you can say “how do you do” the wedding invitations are at the printer. Am I talking about you? If so, you must face the fact that you are blinded by love. Everyone else around you sees it. Friends and family express their concerns and ask you to put the brakes on, but you are too busy making plans to listen. You start finding it easier to keep loved ones in the dark about your plans rather than have another argument about the wisdom of them. How could it be that everyone else knows, but you two haven’t figured out that something is amiss? Perhaps you are in a daze and not thinking clearly when it comes to your future. Again, am I talking about you? Let’s take a look.

What’s the Rush?

You are supposedly madly in love and committed, so why should you rush into a relationship or marriage when there are red flags, concerns and questions. Are you afraid that if you don’t quick-step it to the altar that you may never get there? Or do you feel you’re not getting any younger and the opportunities are ever fewer? Maybe you’re afraid your past might catch up with you or you’re trying to hide something. And I do know of several people who have gotten married just so that they can escape a miserable home life. Maybe you are lonely and just tired of living by yourself. If the stars are truly in alignment—for all the right reasons—why not let nature take its course? As a friend of mine put it, “I am dating an incredible man slowly and deeply and passionately! To hell with love at first sight!”

Why the Secrecy?

Deep down, do you feel that something isn’t right, but you’ve decided to look the other way and believe it will all work out? Are you hiding your plans and feelings from others—could it be you are trying to avoid criticism or simply don’t care to hear logic? Is what your planning crazy to you, too, but you are so wrapped up in the moment that your can’t come out of the clouds? Quit escaping—you want everything to be perfect so maybe you’ve camouflaged your feelings to hide reality. If you’re keeping secrets from your friends, there’s a good chance this is the case.

Though your friends may be raising valid concerns, there can be a flip-side to all that advice. I think people love to talk and that’s only natural I guess, but sometimes I find myself being secretive to avoid hearing what others assume they know or want to believe. I sometimes find myself thinking that it’s my business, so they should worry about their own relationships instead of meddling in mine.

Is It Just You?

Has your personality changed so much that your friends don’t recognize you or your behavior. Are you making excuses for your behavior or situations? Do you exclude friends and family and shuck your responsibilities? Are you out of character or out of the ordinary, and have you decided to ignore everyone who doesn’t see eye to eye with you? Have your ideas or morals changed? If any of this rings true, ask yourself if the changes are truly for the better. Are you happier because of them and do they reflect the person you want to be? If not, you’re in dangerous territory. Changing for someone else almost always backfires, especially if you don’t like the person you see in the mirror anymore.

What Should You Do?

You may not recognize yourself as I have described above, but regardless, in any relationship and especially one that is serious or leading to marriage, please stop, breathe and face reality. Are you ready for marriage? How will your family, kids and friends react? As with any relationship—you know after awhile if it’s a good decision or not. Don’t use your new-found relationship to escape from something. Don’t rush into something for fear of nothing better coming along. Carefully weigh the advice of those who know and love you and address their concerns. Look at your own and your mate’s past and discuss any issues that could interfere with your future happiness. Don’t carry around old baggage and grudges. Don’t drop or exclude friends, skip your responsibilities, and wrap yourself up to the point that you have lost yourself. A friend who now knows better sent me this message: “When sparks fly ever again I am turning and running the other way!”

Finding your true love and future happiness takes work, practice and planning. We are all going to make mistakes along the way—the trick is to learn from them and not repeat them. So get in some practice—date around, kiss a few frogs, have some fun, hang out. When you are ready, then you’ll be able to make a game plan and work on building your future together for all the right reasons.