Are You a Dream Date or Dating Disaster?

When’s the last time you went out on a date, laughed and talked for hours, had a great time and just knew you’d made a connection—then nothing, nada—the call never comes.  Ouch!  You’re left wondering what went wrong and driving yourself nuts wanting to know why your phone isn’t ringing.

Reasons abound as to what went wrong—some reasonable, some common sense and some that can only fit under the heading, “You just can’t please everyone, every time.”  Let’s take a look at some ways people make themselves “undateable,” along with some tips for getting that call you’ve been hoping for.

Reasonable appearance:  Know where your date will be taking you, and dress accordingly.  Don’t wear a tie and jacket or stilettos if you are headed to the zoo or the River Walk, no matter how fantastic you may look in them. Ladies, too much makeup and perfume is just that, and guys—flip flops or crocs and a baseball cap probably won’t cut it unless you’re headed to see the sports team named on your apparel.  And don’t forget to smile—nothing says, “I’m dateable,” faster or more effectively than a pleasant disposition.

Reasonable manners:  Unless you’re a doc on call or it’s a matter of life and death, leaving your phone out to see who’s texting or calling is not acceptable. And since we are on this subject—friends with iPhones—if you seem to have better things to do by playing with your apps or tweeting incessantly, your date may decide they have better things to do than see you a second time.  Giving your undivided attention gives your date the loud and clear signal that you’re enjoying his or her company.  Also remember that the first date is not the time for discussions about sex, religion, politics, past dates or your exes; wait until you know someone before you share your beliefs or air your laundry. Punctuality is a plus—nobody likes to be kept waiting. And as liberated as your date may be, it’s still appreciated when gentlemen open the door for a lady, and both men and women should thank their date properly, whether a love connection is made or not.

Your behavior speaks volumes:  You would think this would all be common sense, but the stories friends tell about their “worse date ever” all seem to have bad behavior in common.  So, just for the record:  no burping, excessive drinking, bad hygiene, blowing bubbles/chewing with your mouth open, talking loudly and non-stop, sloppiness, cursing, speaking down to people, leading someone on, or butchering the English language—double negatives are like fingernails on a chalkboard for me.  Don’t act silly and goofy—it’s not cute and adorable, it’s silly and goofy.  Don’t gripe about your horrible day and problems, no whining about your woes—save the complaints for your friends who already know and like you.  And a last little side-note— if you are going to drink wine, pronounce it correctly or admit that you aren’t knowledgeable and ask for some assistance.  There’s nothing wrong with not knowing something, but there’s nothing less impressive than trying to show off and pronouncing the “t” at the end of merlot.  Timeliness, a positive and pleasing personality, self-confidence and being easy to get along with are traits you should acquire.

Your past precedes you:  Are you known to be a jerk or a witch?  Well, if the shoe fits. Is the word out that you are looking for a spouse and you act desperately accordingly?  Do people refer to you as cheap, a liar, or one with a bad reputation?  Are your acquaintances somewhat questionable?  Has word gotten out that you bad mouth past relationships?  Keep the past in the past and your relationships private.  Respect, discretion and honesty will follow you wherever and forever, as will being unfaithful, dishonest and a liar.

You just aren’t meant to be:  Not every bad date has a cause you can correct. Perhaps you have done nothing wrong and your date just can’t get on with his or her life after a difficult divorce or breakup.  Maybe the chemistry just wasn’t right on your date’s end, but in order to avoid a confrontation, they decide to disappear rather than ring you to let you know they just weren’t that into you.  Or maybe it was a simple timing issue—they’re starting a new job or losing an old one and you got lost in the shuffle.  Whatever the reason, it may be no one’s fault—it just is what it is.

So put down the chocolate and don’t waste your time sitting by the phone.   Get on with your plans and make sure you are dateable, because men and women are like trains—another one will be along in five minutes.