Doggone! My single life has gone to the dogs!

A girlfriend just called to tell me about a guy who plans all of his dates around his dog’s schedule and moods.  This isn’t the first I’ve heard about pet fanatics dumping their dates for their dogs, and I have some thoughts on the subject.

First of all, for those who don’t know me personally, I do like dogs—as long as they are yours and not mine. Pets are just not for me.  Actually, I did inherit a fish from my nephew when he flew off to Colorado and left me with sole custody of the finned creature. I was a very good fish caretaker for over two years, until I took it to my friend’s house about two months ago when I was going out of town—and OMG -- just as I wrote this, remembered I left it there.  Hopefully, by the time you read this, I will have gone back to fetch the fish. But we can agree that animals aren’t the center of my world.  I do, however, have friends with dogs who seem to let the animals set their social calendar.

For instance, I have called my friend from out of town to invite him over only to have him reply:  “I have the dogs.”  Well, do something with them! is what I want to say.  But instead I find myself offering helpful ideas about how to keep them happy while he’s over here. Seriously, doesn’t constantly making arrangements for your pets get in the way of trying to date?  Come on, who’s more fun here, the dogs or me?  Can the dog go out for a glass of wine?  (A girlfriend did tell me recently that she knows a dog that drinks wine and scotch. Maybe that’s the kind of dog I should try to meet.)

Really, dogs can keep you company with their presence, but they can’t converse with you.  So why is man’s best friend a dog?  I think I know the answer to this one:  they will never make a list of your faults and foibles. They just provide unconditional love. Still, whom would you rather cuddle up with? Hint: it’s the one that doesn’t have doggie breath.

How often have you heard, “I have to go home to let the dog out?”  Get a doggie door!  If you need to go home to feed the dog, then put a week’s worth out there.  You are letting these dogs rule your life. They never outgrow their babysitter.  Kids do; they actually reach a point when they can watch themselves and take themselves to the bathroom.  And by the way, dog hair and slobber do not enhance your appearance, or mine.

Pets certainly throw a kink in travel plans.  You have to find someone to take care of the dog, or find a place for it to stay—or heaven-forbid, bring it along.  And making last minute plans with your pet-loving friends can be impossible. Someone once told me, “I think there is something wrong with people who don’t have dogs.”  Oh, who made him a psychiatrist? Perhaps some of us just prefer to avoid all the hassle.

A friend sent me this tidbit:  “As for never being able to leave the dog, well I hate to tell you this, but sometimes that is a good excuse if you just don’t want to do anything, but shhhh, that’s a secret we keep from our non-canine affiliated friends who are always on the go!!!”   So maybe there is more to the excuse than I imagine.

I have two sisters. One feels as I do about dogs, and the other treats her canine like a king.  He eats nothing but the best, and it’s all organic. She cooks for the dog!  He is allowed anywhere and is taken on numerous walks a day. Her dog is her best friend.  I am pretty sure that at times she would rather have “Lucky” around than me.  Maybe it’s because I talk back, offer opinions, and tend to drink all the wine.

I guess after writing this I will be in the doghouse with some of my readers and a couple of friends. They’ll remind me of some important truths about their four-legged friends—how they become the eyes for the blind, sniff for drugs and bombs, and yes, provide unconditional love and companionship. And they help lower blood pressure and stress, too.

So here’s to all of you animal lovers, as we get ready to celebrate National Dog Day on August 26.  I might even raise a toast to Fido. As long as you promise not to bring him to the restaurant.