Web-Based or Wine-Based Dating?

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by Leslie Foley

Is it just me, or does it seem like the whole world has gone crazy for cell phones and portable devices that plug us into the internet anywhere and everywhere? Yes, I check my messages and emails and I am pretty good about returning them. But with texts, emails, and iPhones—society is changing and so is how we date. And I’m not sure it’s all for the best.

People stop me all the time to ask about internet dating. They tell me stories of how their daughters married someone they met on the internet. They tell me about Web sites geared to different ages or interests. I was having lunch recently with a group of ladies when the subject of internet dating came up. “Why don’t you try it, Leslie,” one of my friends asked. I told her, “I don’t want to go shopping for a man, and I am not wild about one shopping for me.” But it got us into a conversation about the difference between looking for love online and looking for it in the bars. I must admit, I enjoy happy hour, and unwinding with friends, and of course I do take note if someone interests me. I guess it’s because I can eat, shop and be merry all at the same time, while sitting at my computer, (which I do all day) and scrolling through Web sites and pages of available singles just seems boring.

I really don’t want to know everything a perspective date publishes about himself online. Not what he had for breakfast, what ill-advised thing he did the night before, or which is his favorite stooge. I want to ask my own questions, form my own opinion and see the reactions as I speak to him. I might ask something as simple as, “So tell me about growing up in your family,” and find out a whole lot more than I can from reading a profile. I like face time more than Facebook, I guess you could say.

The internet has changed everything. It’s not even mandatory to talk anymore—we text or send an e-mail and read each others “tweets.” But don’t you miss good old conversation and listening to the voice on the other end of the phone or across the table? I certainly understand it’s convenient to search the internet for dates rather than meet people the old-fashioned way. A friend I know put it to me this way, “I can join a dating site for $30 a month. I can go to a bar and buy a girl a drink and strike up a conversation, eat, visit and spend about the same. On the internet, I have many choices and I can make a decision quickly, and get back to what I was doing.” So maybe the internet has made it easier to find your true love. I may be one of only a few holdouts, but I’m just not convinced that web-based dating is the way to go.

I wrote about internet dating a long time ago and did research on the sites, checked out singles, placed information and pictures—the whole deal. It drove me crazy just finding a picture to use. I called a photographer from the magazine and asked him to come over and take some photos. Yuk—I found something wrong with every single one. Then I sent the pics to my sister and asked her to show her husband so I could get a man’s perspective. We didn’t agree at all. I had on this furry cute top and he told me I looked like I was wearing a dead animal around my neck. (For the record, I still don’t believe I was wrong.) Anyway, it only got worse. I just couldn’t understand when some of the “winners” online rejected me! Oh please, I wanted to say—you didn’t even meet me yet. It was just too much for me. And don’t even get me started about the men that lead you on, the liars, and the ones that share the strangest photos. The anonymity that is afforded folks online leads to all sorts of behavior you wouldn’t see if you just went out for coffee.

There’s a new trend now you may have heard of, in which you can apparently use your camera phone to “aid” your love life. It’s called sexting—a little play on the words “sex” and “text.” Ok, I guess it’s just me again, but really, you don’t need to send me pictures of yourself nude or partially clothed. And I promise I won’t send them to you! Who knows where they might end up if you lose your phone or your nosey kid goes scrolling through your online album. It might be a sexy new way to add a little spice to a boring afternoon at the office, but I think I would rather die than to have a picture of me show up for someone that it wasn’t intended for. Oh the horror!

No, I am going to hold out a bit longer—if only for my sanity. See you at Happy Hour!