Decisions, Decisions ...

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by Leslie Foley

It seems that in the world of relationships, your options can go from famine to feast faster than a speed date. One day you’re bemoaning the fact that all the good ones are taken, and the next, it seems the “U.S.S. Eligible Date” has just docked at your favorite watering hole. So what do you do when you think you’ve met your match…times two? And even more complicated than that, what do you do when you find yourself torn between two lovers?

It requires quite a lot of effort to carry on more than one relationship. Two times the phone calls, double the emails and twice the number of dates. Yes, it may also seem like double the fun, but juggling a schedule and working to keep everything straight may not be the best way to handle the situation. When there are two potential partners in the picture, sometimes honesty is the best policy. It’s certainly going to take up less of your time. And who can deal with all that added stress?

But what if you feel you can’t be happy with just one person? Are you continuing to see two people because one provides something that the other doesn’t? Maybe you are hanging on to someone because there is just enough there to keep you occupied, but not enough to keep you from wondering or wandering. A song comes to mind as I am writing this, and you know the tune, “If you can’t be with the one you love, honey, love the one you’re with.” I don’t know, maybe the French have it right on this one—it’s no big deal there to have your mate and then another one on the side.

I happen to know a woman who finds herself in just such a confusing situation. My friend has allowed me to share her tale, and you can decide what the right thing to do really is in this whole affair.

“Looking back I would never have thought I would find myself in this situation. A few years ago I discovered my husband of 20 years had a girlfriend and it was devastating ,ending in a very ugly divorce. Needless to say my opinion of cheaters was somewhere between animal abusers and molesters. Given those strong feelings over the years, the last thing I would ever do is cheat on someone, right? Wrong, or IS it right? Am I cheating on my current lover because my sometime lover (that I am crazy about) is in the picture, or am I cheating on my sometime lover because I am now in a new relationship? Or, is it cheating at all if the sometime lover knows all about it and the current lover never asks questions. I haven’t told any lies. Yet.

On one hand I have a kind, handsome man who loves me and wants nothing more than to ride off into the sunset with me on the back of his Harley and take care of me forever. (I believe I’ve heard that before.) We met at a going away party his neighbors had for him as he was completing a move to the east coast. I never dreamed our cross-country romance would still be hot and heavy one year later. He takes me on vacations, brings me flowers, cooks, washes my laundry (yes laundry) and loves my cats. He is also serious while I am anything but.

On the other hand, I have…well, I really don’t know what I have other than chemistry that is just one degree short of spontaneous combustion that began with bumping into an old friend who is a lifelong bachelor and definite chick magnet. A jolt of electricity passed between us when our eyes met and it hasn’t stopped. I get butterflies in my stomach when he calls and all red in the face when his name is mentioned. He gives me the giggles and also makes me a little uncomfortable at times with his laser-like vision into my soul. Although we were both single at the time I knew I had fallen in love with him and didn’t want to be hurt so I did not tell him of my true feelings and just kept it light.

He started seeing someone else and for a while we just had phone contact but the electricity never stopped and now we have started seeing each other again. I know that I shouldn’t want a man that cheats on his girl, but wait, am I doing the same thing? Have I moved onto the same street as the “b****” who was involved in my marriage bust-up?

How can I love my East Coast man if I am dreaming of my hometown man every waking minute? Do I give up a wonderful man whose first priority in life is my happiness for a relationship that I have no idea what will come of it? Has my moral compass slipped? Am I unique or does every cheat have a “unique” situation? It seems so hard to answer until I put myself back in the place I was ten years ago and it becomes clear. The only question now is how do I stop being a cheat?”

Find yourself in a similar, “Torn Between Two Lovers” drama? Then it may be time to make a choice so you can live a life free of secrets and stress—with your one true love.